Hey there, my name is Chloe, and I’m from South Africa. I have a problem here. I have a few friendships going with some people and feel that they are all wrong. Sure, they comfort me and help me when I’m down, but most of the time they make me feel sad or upset, for no real reason, something I can’t explain. It’s so bad that I can’t even use social networks anymore because they’re always on there teasing me and putting me down. What is happening to me?

Natalie said: I see a few things happening here. One thing that concerns me is cyber bullying. If you feel uncomfortable for any reason, on social networks, first print out any proof of things that have been said to you, then avoid the setting completely. You aren’t required to check in on Facebook or anywhere else online, so if you don’t want to, don’t. Or, weed through your online friendships and make your corner of the cyber world a safe place for you to be by only surrounding yourself with people who will build you up, not tear you down.

The other concern I have is that you’re feeling down a lot. It might be hormonal; I deal with that a lot, too. Or it might be that you’ve gotten yourself involved with the wrong people. It’s hard for me to know for sure without knowing more about the situation. I recommend that you talk openly and honestly to a parent or someone you trust about this.

Emily said: Well, I don’t know a whole lot about online bullying because I only talk to a few people on the internet. But, I have had a couple of situations where people who were supposed to be my friends, even my bff in one case, were saying mean things to me.

My mom told me that it was only because they didn’t feel very good about themselves and thought if they could make me feel worse, it would make them look better. She was probably right, but, to be honest, it didn’t really help in the moment. The only thing that helped was when I decided I didn’t have to take it. I got away from those people and made new friends. 

Hi, Chloe, it’s Nicole now. I think you’re really smart to try to figure this out, and I think Natalie had EXCELLENT insight and advice for you and Emily does, too! I think you should definitely do as they suggested.

In a nutshell, you can do three things right now to deflate the power of toxic friendships and online bullying:

1. Avoid social media until you’ve made it a comfortable place to be.
2. Weed through your online friends and get rid of any relationships that tear you down.
3. Avoid any friendships with people who bring you down in anyway, and surround yourself with those who build you up

You don’t have to defend why you feel uncomfortable or sad in your friendships. The fact is, you do. That’s enough to show you that something needs to change. It’s time to branch out of your comfort zone and make some new friends, don’t you think?

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